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  • Miss Vera Violette

Approaching a Dominatrix 101



Growing up in France, manners were really important in my family. From saying please and thank you to no elbows on the table, waiting for everyone to be served before eating, arriving on time, bringing a gift… In my venture into femdom I naturally had the same high standards on that subject when it came to my submissives. However I haven’t always been pleased by the way I was being approached…


Picture by thirtyfives

Here's how to approach a Dominant -

Your first impression is the most important one, so make it good. Here are some tips and basic rules when talking to a dominant.

  1. Check their social media, clip stores, practices… Make sure their approach is the right fit for you.

  2. Take the time to read their website thoroughly and take in consideration all the information on there. Do not waste their time by asking a question when the answer is just a click away.

  3. Write an introduction. That consists of a few sentences about yourself, your level of experience, interests and what you would like to get out of the session. Stating your availability will make the process easier as well.

  4. Make sure to write full sentences, full words and punctuation. For the love of god, make paragraphes. We will refuse to read a long block of text. Don’t misspell their name. Don’t use more than one emoji.

  5. They are not your friend. Talk to them in a formal way. If you speak to a dominant in French, use “vous”. If it is not clear, ask them which title they would like to be addressed as (Mistress, Daddy, Goddess…). Don’t assume. When it comes to me, I like to be called Miss or Mistress.

  6. If you have a lot of questions to ask or would like to chat to them about something in depth related to the session, send them a tip to pay for their time (£25-50).

  7. Be patient, we are busy people. Leave it 3-5 days before sending a follow up email or message. Don’t bother asking to meet on the same day or last minute, it’s pointless.

  8. Don’t waste their time. Unsure about your hard limits? Changed your mind? Need to cancel? We will always appreciate honesty, it will save everyone a lot of time and energy.

  9. Send the deposit as soon as you can after it is requested. It makes our lives a lot easier as we often have limited availability, and sometimes try to schedule multiple bookings in the same day.

  10. Lastly, only contact them in regards to your booking. We are not here to be your friend or chat about your day.

In my next blog post I will go over how to prepare stepping into your first session with a Domme…



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Please note these are my standards and they might not be every dominant’s. Some may be more or less strict.


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